Today was bad, it was my turn and she again didn't want to go. We got her in the car and to the center, in a wheelchair into treatment. She could barely stand, she couldn't put her dentures in due to all the sores in her mouth. She fell asleep in the wheelchair as she waited for radiation, in her sleep she kept saying itai, itai, and sayonara, sayonara. Itai means it hurts and well, sayonara means goodbye, she was completely out. Once she was wheeled into treatment I took a huge breath and went to the lobby with mom. I went in the back to use the restroom and found the technician had wheeled her out. He said she didn't want to get up, she just cried so he was going to talk to her in a private room and had me follow. He proceeded to talk to her in Japanese and I could see the sadness in his eyes when she wasn't responsive. It took everything not to fall apart in front of him. She didn't want to go and although he said they could put her on the table they didn't want to force her. He went to talk to the doctor and in the meantime I got mom and once we got her to understand that it was only two more treatments, today and tomorrow, and she was done she agreed.
It took three technicians to put her on the table. Even down to less than 120 lbs, she's dead weight. After her treatment the doctor came in for her weekly Radiation Oncologist meeting. This doctor is the partner of her doctor but I really wish he was her doctor, he listens and understands more than her doctor. After I explained that can't eat, or drink, can't swallow, can't take any medication he automatically wanted to hospitalize her. My sister kept asking them yesterday about that but she couldn't get any one to help her. After calling her Chemotherapy Oncologist the agreed that she needed to be hospitalized.
I was instructed to take her to the ER across the street so they cold administer fluids and admit her. Her nurse, Beverly, was amazing, she so understood everything going on, she'd experienced herself with both her parents and during time working in a hospice. Although I felt so bad that she had to go through the same, I was very grateful that she understood and helped so much.
The wounds in the area are so bad that no cream in the world was going to help. She was in so much pain. The gave her fluids and morphine, but it didn't help so they have her something else which I can't remember the name of. She mostly slept but would open her eyes when a nurse would come in to check something. Hour later she would be given a room and set up for the night. The calendar that I keep, which has all her appointments in it and notes from her appointments would be a saving grace. Over the months my siblings would laugh at my book but because my memory sucks it was the only way for me to remember things. My sisters would be asked questions by a nurse or a doctor,which they had no clue of the answers. I'd open my book and with a glance had it. When they finally put her in a room, the nurse told two of my sisters she'd have questions, to which the walked out of the room and got me from the waiting area.
Mom is so tired, her eyes are swollen and red, she was getting upset at one doctor for asking so many questions that my sisters had to pull her out of the room for a bit. He was only doing his job and by the time I got in there to answer questions he was a bit apologetic , to which I told him there was no reason to be.
It was almost 9:00 pm by the time we left the hospital, some of us took mom to dinner. By that time we were all starving but at least we were able to laugh around the table. A journey that started about 9;15 am finally ended about 10:30 pm. Thing is, even as out of it as my aunt is, the only thing she that concerned her was her Advanced Medical Directive. She had moved it away from her will and power of attorney and she was afraid we didn't find it. We all know she's given up and it's time to respect her wishes. Work will be hard tomorrow, I know I'll probably panic everytime the one back line I gave them rings.
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