My Head Wants To Explode

It's been over a month since we lost auntie and nothing has slowed down.  We got through the memorial and then everything went crazy.  Between mom's doctor appointments and all the errands that need to be done for her there hasn't been any days off.  Anytime anything is scheduled now, they schedule it for my days off.  Have they forgotten why I'm retired?  We spent last weekend cleaning up mom's house because of all the crap we have to put in there from aunties.  The scary part is that we filled a dumpster that will hold 10 tons, not that there are 10 tons in it, but damn it's full.  All of my brothers and sisters were there this weekend, cleaning, building, painting, although my oldest brother seemed to only supervise and my oldest sister's behind rarely came off the lazy boy she was sitting in while shredding paperwork.

Growing up I was shocked to see that as dysfunctional my family is, we're still rare in that we still pull together in the tough times.  And at least my brothers and sisters won't let mom down.  The grandchildren are another story.  The younger grandchildren were there, 19, 17, 14 and 12 but the ones in their 20's and 30's were nowhere in sight.  One of my brother's theory is that if his kids weren't there to help, they don't get crap, the oldest sister doesn't agree and grabbed whatever she could for her children, her son, at least showed up late Sunday night to mow the lawn and does that every two weeks or so, but her daughter as well as the daughter of another sister just couldn't be bothered.  I know people and even have friends that tell me that I shouldn't let my family dictate my life, to control me and that I should tell them exactly where to go.  But I can't do that, maybe the it was the way I was brought up, the fact that I'm truly codependent but my family is all I have in the end.  I'll always have friends here and there but it's not the same.  My parents taught me to respect and listen to my elders, even if they're more messed up than I am.  A phrase my niece said comes to mind, it's a blessing yet a curse.

I paid the price for everything I did this weekend and got told very rudely by work that they were short staffed when I called in sick on Monday.  My right had has swollen to 3 times the normal size and I could open it.  My back, neck and shoulders were a train wreck and I called in over 3 hours early so they could try and get someone in.  I felt bad enough about having to call in sick, I didn't need a frickin' guilt trip.

Today, my hand has gone down, still swollen and sore but I can at least type and write with it.  I went over to check on mom, spent a little time with her, then finally did some grocery shopping and a quick bite with a friend.  I paid for his dinner and he says I should of but he has no idea how much venting to him has helped me over the months.  I got home and finally had time to do some laundry, kind of gross that I hadn't done it in over two weeks but I just never had the time or energy.

Back to work tomorrow and if they give me lip they can kiss my behind.  As much as I need the job and the money, I'll quit if it comes to them or mom.  Thursday is back to mom's to take her grocery shopping, close out the storage unit and have someone come for an estimate on the windows.  I told her I'd take her grocery shopping every Thursday, it's a something her and auntie used to do and she really shouldn't be driving. Next month she has 5 doctor appointments and another window estimate on my days off.  I've been informed that since we didn't finish everything last weekend, we're going meeting back there Sunday.  I already told them I'm not doing all the stuff I did before.  I know another sister had to call in sick yesterday as well.  I feel like my life is gone and that the family has taken over again.  And I'm really tired. 

Oh and I finally posted a shot for the fuzzy challenge.  It's kind of gross when you realize that all that fuzz on the candle is a HUGE layer of dust.